It’s been about six weeks since I graduated and let’s just say this isn’t funny anymore.
After I graduated in May and came back to live with my parents, things have felt extremely different. Every summer while I was in school, I missed my friends who lived hours away, but I knew it was only a couple of months before I would see them again. But obviously, this year is different. Facetime, texting and TikTok sharing have become my main form of communication with my long distance friends –– holding tight to those strong bonds that were formed when we could see each other every day.
I’ve adjusted myself into a routine at home now. I workout in the morning, lay around for a while and then work as a bartender in the evenings. While it’s no typical day at Penn State, I am able to stay busy while saving money (I’m saving so much money from not going out it’s crazy).
But, when I drive to the gym or have a free second at work, I think about all the mundane things I miss about college. I get glimpses of my walks to class through the changing seasons. I think about sitting at the kitchen table with my college roommates as we all made dinner at once. I think about the thrill of school when it was August and still warm outside and football games took over every weekend.
In between shifts at work, I’m trying to apply for journalism jobs, learn how to budget my money and what rent I’ll be able to afford when I move out. I have to think about buying furniture and having new roommates and what transportation I’ll need to factor in. This is substantially less fun than scheduling my classes and figuring out what outfits to wear to home games.
I know there is so much ahead of me now, and that school is only a small portion of my life. But, I can’t help but think about how my life at Penn State ended and this new life that I’m trying to achieve has so many challenges before it can even begin.
Sure, I now have a degree and a resume with some substance to it, but how do I turn that into the life that I want? What even is it that I want this new life to look like? (Cue “Roots Before Branches (Glee Cast Version)”).
There are so many changes that are going to happen in the next year, which I am excited for. I’m just not sure how to make those changes happen.
I began to seriously start applying to jobs this week and got my very first post-grad rejection email –– which I was weirdly excited about. While of course I was hoping to get to the next round of interviews, it felt nice to be at least noticed enough to receive a rejection email. Because I have heard so many stories of people getting ghosted by companies they applied to, a rejection email felt ok (at least for now, ask me again in a month and I’ll probably say something different).
Maybe this is where my next life will be born –– out of rejection and adjusting and feeling uncomfortable.
This email is just the start. But at least I am here, locked in this roller coaster just hoping I don’t throw up over the edge before I land back on the ground.
Let me know your thoughts, comments and questions by emailing me at gingerlyons23@gmail.com or typing down below.
Educated Guesses 